Why aren’t there any new names for chess moves? If you study chess for an afternoon, you will butt up against a plethora of maneuvers named after people like the Smith-Morra Gambit or even after well thought-out concepts like the King’s Indian Attack. Some moves or pieces can even use different languages to represent them like “En Passant” or “Zwischenug”. Like how cool is that? Imagine how smart you’d look dropping down that Zwis-thing on some bozo (even smarter if you can pronounce it). That being said, it would be infinitely cooler to have a contemporary name for a move or piece, but it seems like that well has run dry.
Is it that no one has come up with a keen new strategy to get checkmate, take a piece or gain an advantage? Or is it that all the cool maneuvers are taken? I truly hope it isn’t the latter. I also hope that we haven’t advanced so far in the field of self-aggrandizement that we no longer need to hit a curtain call or two! Have we dug so deep that we’ve reached the other side and all that chess is just another game? Don’t worry my legion of pretentious, snoots, daddy’s home! And I have a brand-spanking-new chess move name! Hold on to your socks you gaggle of insufferable know-it-alls: I want to claim the move where one player gets frustrated and sweeps all the chess pieces off the board. That maneuver will now be called the It’s NotWhat You Know, But Who You Know Defense (also known as the I.N.W.Y.K.B.W.Y.K. Defense – pro bono marketers apply below). OMG! Here comes the egghead society again, “That’s not a real move!” My argument is simple – Chess is supposed to imitate life; it encompasses all the many components that we’ve bottled-up and labelled as Human Nature: loyalty, love, hate, heart-break, sacrifice, strategy, stimulation, desire, error, forgiveness, regret etc. And what is more life-like than a chess move that demonstrates that however much you’ve studied or learned there will always be well-positioned people that can just sweep your well-positioned pieces right onto the floor.
Strip Clubs are Sad Discos 